1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL

If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC

"Because I said so, that's why.”

5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who would love to have what you do.”

16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

"Just wait until your father gets home.”

17. My father taught me about RECEIVING

"You are going to get it when we get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.”

22.My mother taught me GENETICS

"You're just like your father.”

23. My father taught me about studying my ROOTS

"Shut that damn door, were you born in a barn?

24. My father taught me about THERMODYNAMICS

 "Close that refrigerator door, we're not air-conditioning the house!

25. My mother taught me WISDOM

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.”

26. My mother taught me NUTRITION

 "Get out of that cookie jar, you'll spoil your dinner."

27. My father taught me about JUSTICE

"When you have kids, I hope you get two just like you!"

28. My father taught me PHYSIOLOGY

"I thought you had rocks in your head, now I'm convinced it's solid granite."

29. My mother taught me COMPASSION

"Finish your dinner, there are children starving in India."