Caregiving

One of the ways some of us may stay in our homes is to obtain caregiving services or if a spouse or other family member needs caregiving, we may assume the role of caregiver.  For example, my wife is finding it difficult to walk, so there are some caregiving responsibilities that I have assumed that I did not have before.  This is not a major burden, but I have found that it can create some emotional issues and priority issues.  I do most of the cooking and cleanup, and all the driving. So I wanted to find out about the emotional stress of caregiving and share that information with our TSV community.

I found wonderful articles on caregiving provided by the Family Caregivers Alliance (https://www.caregiver.org/caregiving) and the Mayo Clinic (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/caregiver-stress/art-20044784)  and will summarize them here with some sentences taken directly from these articles.  But if you want  please click on the links to read the article yourself.  They are short and concise.

The emotional toll of being a caregiver

• Most caregivers tend to be female, but all caregivers face the same issues and the emotional toll on caregivers can be significant:  high levels of stress, frustration, anxiety, exhaustion, anger, depression, increased use of alcohol or other substances, reduced immune response, poor physical health and more chronic conditions.
•  Most caregivers are ill-prepared for their role and provide care with little or no support; yet more than one-third of caregivers continue to provide intense care to others while suffering from poor health themselves. An influential factor in a caregiver's decision to place an impaired relative in a long-term care facility is the family caregiver's own physical health.

  The strategies for addressing this problem

• Accept help. 
• Focus on what you are able to provide. 
• Set realistic goals. 
• Get connected. 
• Join a support group. 
• Seek social support. 
• Set and implement personal health goals.

The Mayo clinic article provides more detail on each of these strategies.

My personal challenge is to find a balance between taking care of my needs and those of my wife.  If I completely ignore my needs, then I become angry and impatient and that does neither of us good.  I need to be clear when I have reached my limits without expressing anger or frustration in a negative way.  The problem of the caregiver is as much a problem for the caregiver as it is for the person receiving care.  If the caregiver doesn’t remain healthy and emotionally solid, the one receiving the care suffers.  I think this is true even if the caregiver is paid and comes to you from an agency.     I have also reached out to friends to discuss my situation and am the process of finding a support group.  If you have more to add to this subject please email me.

Marc Narkus-Kramer, Co-Chair of the Care Committee