In a shoe repair store in Vancouver reads: “We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.”
On a blinds and curtain truck: “Blind man driving.”
In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels.”
On a septic tank truck: “Yesterday's Meals on Wheels”
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.”
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout.”
On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts.”
In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”
On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push.”
At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet—miss a car payment.”
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”
In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait.”
At a propane filling station: "Thank heaven for little grills.”
In a Chicago radiator shop: "Best place in town to take a leak.”
Baby's First Exam
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his
weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.
He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while, in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
